Rapture 940AR

MacGruber sticks it to the Black Flame

MacGruber fucking people, MacGruber not having a plan, MacGruber disguising people as MacGruber


MacGruber started the day the same way he starts every day. By getting totally hammered at the bar.

While there he ran into his old war buddy who was like “DUDE! My daughter Eris is missing! Shit is fucked! Can you find her for me? I’m pretty sure the Black Flame did it.”

MacGruber was like “Dude no problem. I will fucking kill whoever did this.”

So MacGruber was gonna drink more and go rip some throats out in search of whoever kidnapped
Eris when Verizon and Svass Thai showed up and were like “Dude we need your help in a cage match!! We’re fighting the son of the black Flame!”

MacGruber was like “I’m your man. I’ll rip their fucking throats out.”

Fast forward and MacGruber heads to the stronghold of the Black Flame, demands to see their leader to talk about Eris, says “Yo I’ll be at this cage match 6 o Clock so see you there pussies,” and then heads to the cage match.

To lay a trap for teh Black Flame, MacGruber dressed up Kimi Thai, Svasse Thai’s little brother, AS MacGruber. And then left Kimi Thai alone in the arena at 6 PM. Unfortunately the Black Flame didn’t show up or start any hijinks. Because MacGruber was so ready.

While Kimi Thai was alone MacGruber helped Verizon ransack the King’s Skybox under the pretense of inspecting it for traps against the princess.


The black flame team was thoroughly routed in the cage match. MacGruber dashed into battle first, gained the high ground, and then did some weird stuff for a while, disabling some goonies and attacking the Black Flame leader’s son. Shit really went down when a portal opened up and Minh tried to gobble up the princess and the King. This is when MacGruber jumped into high gear. MacGruber threw the Minh the son of the Black Flame as bait, so that he could rescue the princess. And then, right before the son was pulled into the portal, MacGruber rescued him too.

Afterwards the leader of the Black Flame came down and thanked MacGrugber – and MacGruber was like “we need to talk about Eris.” And the leader was like “Yeah dude, you’re a baddass, let’s talk.”

Did I mention somehow MacGruber also made a lot of money?

Here’s how the all knowing God summed it up:

In the aftermath of the latest Mihn invasion, a shaken father, Atienti Comcast – Leader of the Black Flame – approached Google to thank him for his valor in saving the younger Comcast from a Mihn demise. A deal was struck that Google was to visit Atienti in the stronghold of the Black Flame to discuss the disappearance of Eris, the daughter of a fellow war buddy of Google’s. Meanwhile, Kimi Thai, younger brother of Svasse Thai, won both the Princess’ and Baron’s hearts in rescuing the Princess from what was rumored as a targeted abduction. Verizon introduced himself to Baron Thermos as a practical man by returning the Baron’s pristine valuables after keeping them safe from the foreseen abduction attempt, and Svasse gathered some broken Mihn specimens to return to the lab for one last push before departing for the Gates.

There are now six days until the departure ceremony.



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